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a flash of dark // a wash of light

by Jon, the Archivist

supported by
Theresa’s Sound World Music Blog Collection
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Theresa’s Sound World Music Blog Collection Desolate but beautiful acoustic tunes Favorite track: martyr.
Rachel B
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Rachel B This record is not only amazingly pleasing to listen to, it also has a miraculous healing effect on the soul. Highly highly recommend it. Favorite track: push.
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1.
this is not an apology this is a reckoning i think you can relate in a wash of light I saw my beating chest when I was five crying on the stairwell kicking, screaming cursing all the stripes my brother bore i'll never forget them this is not an emergency this is a false alarm the sweat that coats my brow is just a simple condensation for lack of a better term and with a flash of dark he bore down with his fists and crumbling, my spirit formed into a husk of dirty maple wood and studded crown of tears i'll always forgive him this is not a simple question this is an ultimatum formed on battered lips and from the tongues of children searching in a dark room for the light switch
2.
silence 04:20
sing to me with your last breath and I will catch it in my palm and I will lock it in the closet to let it haunt me through the drywall sing through static lines and feedback let your words hold back the noise and I will write them on scrap paper and I will tape them to my skin I washed the tar out from my fingers I spilt the blood out of my lungs I bought an apartment in the city so the sirens would drown out the howls when the demons come sing to me your every secret serenade me with your fears scream your faults through sonic pathways tell me what I want to hear but the silence is killing me and the silence is deafening oh the silence is killing me and the silence is deafening sing to me with your last breath...
3.
winter 04:25
you are black lace and dead roses I am the snow that coats your car your car I dont know how I should handle this you cant tell if you should just defrost defrost you said I smelled like winter my wax frame melted on your bedroom floor your floor scrape me up with your fingertips reconstitute my form in shards in shards consume this tender night with pleasantries leave your socks on the bedroom floor you said I smelled like winter you turn to rust and your car wont start I dont know how I should handle this we are objects here impermanent you said I smelled like winter
4.
push 04:15
Im pushing all of my weight into your television eyes the pulsing pixels spreading out across my hands and you'll be sipping your cup of cherry coffee trying not to let me change the channel or disrupt your plan we'll sit here motionless and stare out the window watching cars and seagulls dipping down to catch their daily bread I will try hard to provide an honest answer as to why I am still living with this bandage on my head I am bad at moving on but I can try to if I have to and I can tell by the flush that coats your cheeks im either getting by just fine or spitting metal into plugs and you are oh so nice you'll never tell me if im dressed to kill or if my court's too scared to say im naked I am bad at moving on but if you're asking i'll indulge you I really wish this could have happened at a better time I'm pushing all of my weight
5.
theory 03:10
I feel very awful about loving anyone I feel really awkward and awful about loving anyone Sometimes I feel like im not the only one We're all really fed up and tired of loving anyone Whenever I fall in love I become very selfish yeah I think that falling in love might make me very selfish The theory books never said it would be like this in the structure of signs where I live there's no room to be selfish and the people I love they dont always love me back yeah sometimes the people I love they dont love me back and the worst part of all is there's nothing wrong with that yeah sometimes the people you love they just dont love you back and im tired of singing about love all the time yeah im real sick and tired of everyone singing about love all the time and saying it out loud might be just what we need to feel fine cause i'm real fucking tired of singing about love all the time
6.
// 01:28
I’m calling to collect, concede concern, exploit and disregard apologies. There are no sorries left, no water fetched, no tumbling after broken crowns, and down these hills I’ll plummet, still contrite, or limp, or lying all the way. The debt remains, a debt these limbs will leave unpaid again. Instead, attrition tenders credit’s claims, in tendon and in spid’ring bones, the wrist, in fingers’ sins, the noiseless sex of dirt, or cartilage. You owe me for my sweat, and for the cells you’ve stolen scratching. A sincerely untold doubt is written there, in epithelial loss and potting soil, in unstill space, still air still being filled with color and your hips’ conjecture still so absolute, and killed—so fucking dead. With tendons sore (and aching to remind: the mind is only strong because the hand can bear the force), I told you I did not believe in falling. Maybe I believe in jumping; maybe I believe in sounds of bodies splattering upon the ground.
7.
shadow 02:45
Too much noise covering my room with jagged lines and pallid figures extending towards my bed I dont know if the sleep is worth the cold sweats I dont know if the tv's ever going to turn off your shadow reminds me how I can't keep my composure too much void all these goddamn hipsters yelling about modernism I can't even get my back fixed I dont know if your meta-narrative is getting useless I dont know if I will ever get my back fixed their shadow reminds me that I am a boring poser too much smoke from the cigarettes and factories it makes me want to choke but the headlights shining through it look like hope I dont know if i'll see you in a year or three or nope I dont know how to deal with all this fucking smoke the shadow reminds me that I am so goddamn tired
8.
martyr 04:25
I went to the protest today in red square we gathered to spar with our fate in the static of megaphone roar they relate how they privilege should not lead to hate and I hung my weary head in shame cause I know in my heart im just as much to blame for the misguided yelping of white college kids who are just tryin to make heard their names I dont think that they know this is wrong that the chains of oppression they favor the strong and the students who plead “let us love lets be free” they dont get that its been way too long as we marched down the street we held hands put our hope in our backpacks and made our demands but then when it came to confronting the man we found it was hard just to stand as the tension grew out to a head they said go home to bed or try prison instead the futon revolution was quickly shot dead and the scared little kids went to bed and the usual martys hung back shook their heads at the children stuck blank in their tracks same story as always, the protest is fun til the gun's pointed into your back we were all just trying to help we said we just wanted to help we swore on our heads we would help but we're always just trying to help and it isnt the help that they need oh its never the help that they need its the solemn support that they need and we're too goddamn loud
9.
sleep 04:27
listen up I need you to quiet down so I can get some rest so I can get some rest listen up I need you to settle down so I can clear my head so I can clear my head listen up I need you to calm down so I can go to bed so I can go to bed listen up I need you to stick around so I can hear your breath so I can get some rest
10.
attack 05:42
darling, do you feel the water closing in over our heads darling, can you believe that in two minutes we'll be dead? brother, can you imagine the monsters and demons that we live in and brother, if the sinner repents, oh if the sinner repents is there still a sin? lover, do you recall the last refrain I spoke to you? lover, do you remember the pauses and syllables that formed into a pleasant tune? And father, what will it take for me to explain myself to you? And father, I am no prodigal son, no I am nothing, I am no one. On new year's eve we cracked a bottle or two of cheap champagne Our rosy cheeks flushed with fear from the knowing glances of who remained Our final prayer to all the friends we loved and lost to drugs and bad attitudes Our table set to welcome the dark lord and serve him with all we had to lose Sometimes I cry because the memories are too much for me to take Sometimes I cry because these lungs are slowly setting up to break Sometimes I cry and the nervous high sets in that comes before the shakes Sometimes I cry as I remind myself no to mourn before the wake A toast! A toast! To all our immortal parties, tomorrow or otherwise! A toast! That we will drown these evil thoughts that live behind our eyes! A toast! To be remembered in laughter and tears and shards of glass! A toast! That we may learn to move on and lift off the shackles of the past! On new year's eve we prepared our attack on the darkness we'd fought for way too long On new year's eve we prepared our song for all the beautiful things we've lost
11.
this is not a sad story this is the truth the songs I write are just a glorified complaint about the weather for lack of a better term this is not a happy ending this is the end it might be glad, it might be mad its just the way that things are going and that's just the way things are you see my friends, we'll always have some scars sing to me your final song and I will teach it to every crowd and we will sing it every word and we will always sing too loud one day i'll quit smoking cigarettes one day i'll learn how to love one day you'll learn to find happiness and you will sing down from above a flash of dark will not define me in a wash of light i'll make my mark a flash of dark will not define us with a wash of light we'll be the spark a flash of dark won't be our story in a wash of light we'll save our names a flash of dark will try to kill us but a wash of light will be our grave sing to me your final song...

about

"a flash of dark // a wash of light" is the debut record from Jon, the Archivist. It deals with a chronological period of self-realization and emotional distress spanning from birth to death, but more specifically, from roughly october - january of 2014/2015. The songs were written over the course of those four months, and present a cycle of shame, hurt, accountability, growth, remembrance, and hope. With these songs I attempted to present the things I thought I was angry or frustrated about in the first half, before examining what was really the source of my pain and frustration on the second half. I've found that holding oneself accountable is one of the most important steps towards healing, so that is what i'm trying to do here. I hope that this record can help someone else deal with whatever it is they are dealing with. I make no claims to know everything, in fact I know barely anything. I just want you to know you are loved.

The poem on track 6 was written and performed by my close friend Jack Cavanaugh. They are an amazing Worcester poet who you should all hit up for shows. They really have a beautiful way with words, and I feel like their poem perfectly complemented the feel I was looking for with this record. So thanks to them.

The album was recorded and mastered by my good friend Fenn Macon, who I cannot possibly thank enough for all of his support and the absolutely gorgeous job he did with this record.
Other thanks go out to Greg McKillop, James Ikeda, Fenn's cousin Justin, Nat Brown, Tyler Bisson, Taylor Parissi, Dave Carter, Max Markes, Greg Strong, Sasha Kohan, Melissa Miller, Caraline Connor, my lovely family, the rest of the Peapod Squad, and anyone else who has supported me at all or helped me learn anything about myself or who has assisted with this record in any way. I love you all so much.

credits

released January 31, 2015

All songs written and performed by Jon, the Archivist
Except Track 6, written and performed by Jack Cavanaugh with accompaniment from Jon, the Archivist
Album Artwork by Jon Brien
Recorded and produced by Fenn Macon at Sublevel 58 in Worcester, MA
CD Release by Naked I Records, Pensacola, FL

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Jon, the Archivist Worcester, Massachusetts

Jon the Archivist lives in Worcester, MA, and this is the sound of him screaming at nothing.

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